Cultivating Tenderness During Difficult Times
“Awakened heart comes from being willing to face your state of mind. The sitting practice of meditation is a means to awaken this within you. When you awaken your heart, to your surprise, you find that it is empty. If you search for awakened heart, if you put your hand through your rib cage and feel for your heart, there is nothing there — except for tenderness. You feel sore and soft, and if you open your eyes to the world, you feel tremendous sadness. It is not the sadness of feeling sorry for yourself or feeling deprived. It is a natural situation of fullness. The genuine heart of sadness comes from this feeling that your nonexistent heart is full. Your experience is so raw, tender, and personal that even if a tiny mosquito lands on you, you feel its touch.”
Today is the birthday of my beloved friend and soul brother Matthew, who took his own life in January of 2022. Matthew was a light in this world and now shines brightly from Beyond the Great Beyond. Amidst my own tenderness, I have been reflecting today on Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche’s teachings about the tender heart of sadness—that place within us that is both colored by an inherently wakeful emptiness and also by an unconditioned openness to our shared human experience and to reality as it is. We are inherently tender by our very nature of being incarnate upon this Earth. Within our shared human predicament of agreed upon separation—for a time and for the sake of Divine Play—we find ourselves tasked with staying awake to our own suffering and to the suffering of this world, all while keeping our hearts open.
The Earth is our ally in cultivating tenderness during difficult times.
In our endeavors to stay mindfully open and awake to our own wellspring of tenderness during times of loss, sorrow, and difficulty, the Earth offers us tremendous support in a myriad of ways.
Meditating upon, within, and with the Earth.
In my work with clients, I emphasize the nature-based ritual practice of meditating with the Earth, because I have witnessed firsthand the profound ways in which this practice helps to catalyze change and provide an anchor during difficult times. Meditation can mean many things, and both passive and active forms of mindful connection with the land are incredibly supportive in cultivating tenderness during periods of difficulty. Finding a tree you love and making a practice to sit there regularly, going for a mindful walk in a neighborhood park, in the forest, by a river, an ocean, or any other open space where you feel connected to the land, and many other expressions of meditative awareness that help connect you with your Earthly home can provide a meaningful foundation for living tenderly. No matter where you live—be it in a busy city or deep in the woods—there is a patch of Earth yearning to feel your undiluted presence and openhearted embrace.
Connecting with the Mushrooms and with the Web of Interrelatedness.
I have been contemplating the mycelium lately, feeling them speak to me in my dreams and through the other humans with whom I am woven. This has left me feeling both like a joyful pawn in a much larger mycelial story and like a curious observer of the role of mushrooms in composting the aspects of my own suffering that I am called to offer to the Earth in prayerful ceremony. I believe that the mushrooms play a vital role in our capacity to stay resilient and connected during challenging times. The mushrooms also provide a mirror for the ways in which we are always connected, even when a sense of disconnection colors our days. See if you can take a moment in the next week to acknowledge the mycelial tapestry just below your feet as you walk upon the Earth. See if you can hear what the mushrooms have to share about who in your own community may be an ally and resource to you during this time. These wise teachers are calling us into our interrelatedness, and they are here to help in times of trouble.
Working with herbal formulations to nourish the spiritual heart.
Nothing has opened me more to the graceful way of tenderness than the plants with whom I am blessed to work on a regular basis. Plants like Hawthorn, Motherwort, Linden, and Tulsi come to mind. These and many other plants can facilitate heart nourishment for the mind, body, and spirit and help support us during acute periods of difficulty and challenge. As I fondly remember my beloved friend Matthew today, I will drink an herbal tea with heart-supporting herbs by the fire and celebrate the gift that it is to love so fully in this life. If you are interested in working with herbal formulations that help to nourish the spiritual heart, Artemisia Atara Apothecary has a range options. Wise Heart Tea, Heart Song Tea, Wholeness Tea, and The Lover’s Tea are formulated specifically to open the way for our tenderheartedness to flourish.
Supporting the Earth and all of Her inhabitants through acts of loving service.
Contrary to what may feel intuitive to the part of ourselves that seeks to protect us by way of constructing more walls around our hearts, one of the surest ways to emerge from the cocoon and sometimes myopic landscape of our individual suffering is to actually open more to the suffering of the world by becoming engaged through mindful action. We can give of ourselves to the Earth and all of her inhabitants through acts of service such as joining a land beautification project, creating art with the Earth, giving to organizations that support personal and planetary health, and holding ritual both for and with the land in order to alchemize grief and breathe life into the more beautiful world our hearts know is possible. If you are seeking guidance in connecting with a service project or organization that supports people and planet, please feel free to reach out to me for ideas or collaborative support.
Above all else, may we remember during times of difficulty that the direct experience of reality as it is will always be the pathway to our greatest embodied freedom. Ultimately, there is nothing to change and no better way to feel. We are whole and complete, just as we are in this moment, made all the more human by our inherent tenderness.
May we find refuge in the Awakened Heart. May we be courageous in our walk through this life. And may we live tenderly—for the benefit of all sentient beings ♡
